lost

actually I'm not really in the mood to write down something on this and make a post. I'm not even in the mood for any kind of things. lately I've been feeling so sad and gloomy. maybe you could even see the color of my aura is a mixture of blue and gray. and you will find me leaning against the window, watching the rain that coming down heavily on the road with a long face. yeah poor me.

I have no idea why this thing could happen to me. I'm lost. I feel like walking on the wrong track. and didn't find a way back. back to where I should be. yes I had a lot of things going on and I had a lot in my mind. and they really screwing it, like a viruses which spread uncontrollably and destroy everything in it. I can't handle it. those feelings is coming out of the blue. especially when I found myself all alone in silence. and I end up listening to mellow songs and sobbing. sometimes I wonder why the people who are feeling sad like to listen to mellow songs. I thought it will only make them feel worst. it will only make them feel even sadder and ends with teardrops.  but now when I'm walking on their shoes, I get it. when I'm sad and listening to mellow songs, I'd end up crying. and after crying, I felt relieved. I felt like all of the burdens is lifted away. and I found myself feeling better. but those feeling always coming back again. and what I have to do is just find the root of all this shit and fix it. and everything will be back as it used to again. soon, hopefully. 

"I just got lost

every river that I tried to cross

every door I ever tried was locked

oh and I'm just waiting 'till the shine wears off"

- lost, coldplay