what to wear

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courtesy of what-do-i-wear

breathless

I've just done taking a shower. it's odd you know for me took a shower at night. I hate it because I can't stand the cold water. I have no idea why but out of the blue I decided to take a shower. and when I was dealing with water pouring down my head, suddenly I find myself hard to breathe. I felt breathless in the midst of the shower. I felt like I had just run out miles away. kinda strange, right?

have you ever feel like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders and there is nothing you can do to get out from under it? I have. not just once, but often. just so you know I am a little bit perfectionist.  so I always try so hard to make everything right on the target. and when I find something that isn't come out as excepted, I would be so devastated and disappointed. and I take it seriously. when something is not right I always think myself as a failure. and I would be really really upset and feel as if the world is collapsing instantaneous. too much, huh? that's what I do. so as a solution I would not take on anything that I don't feel that I will be good at. but I can't escape forever from anything that I can't do perfectly. so yeah it's hard

as perfectionist, I always feel like the weight of the world is resting on my shoulder. and I try my best not to make others disappointed. kinda torturing you know? and honestly I'm tired of being one of them. so now I try to take it slow and act normal. because I realize I didn't have to make everything difficult and consider it as a burden or weight. if there's an easier and smoother way to pass why bother pass through the steep and rocky way?  from now on I will try to remind myself to keep things slowly and just let it flow

courtesy of shijun

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

- Lao-Tzu

quote of the day

courtesy of tumblr

V for Valuable & L for Lessons

this morning I woke up a little early, approximately at six o'clock. what an odd! just so you know I'm not a morning person. so when you find me awake early in the morning it can only mean two things; whether I've just finished doing my prayer or I haven't been sleeping at all from last night. yeah and you might be wondering when I was still in high school how can I go to school on time if I just couldn't get up early. believe me those moment was so torturing. but, since I had a mother who is very disciplin and also very strict, I always succeed to get up early in the morning (thanks to my mom). and honestly when I felt really really lazy, I skipped school. yeah my bad. blame the crafty devils.

so after I woke up, I went down to my dinning room and had a breakfast with a loaf of bread and a cup of tea, with my dad and my mom. we had a mutual conversation and as usual my dad gave his efficacy admonitions which always manage to build a powerful sense of confident and spirit whitin me. he told me that we must make life valuable and worthwhile. and we also must make ourselves valuable in the eyes of others by always doing good to everyone. we should be able to make others feel lost with our absence. and that is the one which indicates that we are valuable. he told me that in life we must make certain goals and try as hard as possible to achieve it no matter what. we must change our point of view and our mindset in some case. we must have thought as the champions and all of the successful people. he told me that in life we must make a positive improvements in every day. starting from small things first. and he also told me one hadith of Prophet Muhammad SAW which said that, "whoever on this day is worse than the day before so he is a wretched person, whoever on this day is same as the day before so he is a man who lost, and whoever on this day is better than the day before so he is a man who got luck." so which one do you choose? I personally choose the last one, the man who got luck. and I'm pretty sure you also choose the same option like me, right? 

“The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” 

  - William James 

watch your (B)(A)(C)(K)(!)

I'm back. it's gonna be a short post, because I still have some work to do. as you know I've been avoiding myself from a cyber world. let's just say I just got back from a short trip. where? let the answer remain a secret. 

I'm gonna update my tumblr, my twitter and also make a post in this blog again soon. as soon as my work is done. see ya :D

"you better watch your back.

just in case there's someone who stalked you 

and stab you behind your back"

lost

actually I'm not really in the mood to write down something on this and make a post. I'm not even in the mood for any kind of things. lately I've been feeling so sad and gloomy. maybe you could even see the color of my aura is a mixture of blue and gray. and you will find me leaning against the window, watching the rain that coming down heavily on the road with a long face. yeah poor me.

I have no idea why this thing could happen to me. I'm lost. I feel like walking on the wrong track. and didn't find a way back. back to where I should be. yes I had a lot of things going on and I had a lot in my mind. and they really screwing it, like a viruses which spread uncontrollably and destroy everything in it. I can't handle it. those feelings is coming out of the blue. especially when I found myself all alone in silence. and I end up listening to mellow songs and sobbing. sometimes I wonder why the people who are feeling sad like to listen to mellow songs. I thought it will only make them feel worst. it will only make them feel even sadder and ends with teardrops.  but now when I'm walking on their shoes, I get it. when I'm sad and listening to mellow songs, I'd end up crying. and after crying, I felt relieved. I felt like all of the burdens is lifted away. and I found myself feeling better. but those feeling always coming back again. and what I have to do is just find the root of all this shit and fix it. and everything will be back as it used to again. soon, hopefully. 

"I just got lost

every river that I tried to cross

every door I ever tried was locked

oh and I'm just waiting 'till the shine wears off"

- lost, coldplay

I'm already in paradise

what do you think when you first see all of this beautiful picture? I myself can't even blink. I can't take my eyes off of them. this is perfect. this is what I imagine it is as a paradise. this is heaven. heavenly beautiful. imagine yourself being there. wind blowing so soft and so gently. grasses and weeds swaying merrily in tune with the wind. followed by thousands of beautiful blossomed flower scattered around. sun shining beautifully. this so-called perfection.

just by seeing those picture I already felt inspired. sometimes I feel like I want to go around this kind of place, instead of going to the mall as usual. I want to enjoy the greatest of nature that could bring the piece and serenity. laying down on the grass.  taking thousand of beautiful pictures. feeling the breeze that blew your skin and the light of the sun that touch your skin. feeling myself connected to the nature. once again what a perfection. I felt like I'm already in paradise

3 list of things to do regularly

courtesy of tumblr

since I have full month of nothing to do, so it means I'm all free. no more waking up in the morning to get ready to attend a regular class. no more panicking and rushing hours to do some papers or big assignments. no more reading all the notes from lecturers. no more working late till midnight to prepare for the next day presentations. no more wasting time to wait for lecturers who didn't even show up in class at all and didn't even bother to call and cancel. no more googling and experimenting for another tasks. no more reducing hours to sleep to study for the extra quiz and exam. yeah no more. so for me it's gonna be a long holiday. and I spent my time by going out to the mall or somewhere else, but mostly I spent my time in home. in my room actually. and since recently the weather is so cold (because of the rain), I prefer to stay in my room and not going anywhere. so here's what I am always doing that made me like to stay in my room:

1. reading some books

just so you know I really like to read some books. I like having myself lost in some story of the books. mostly I like to read novels with all kind of genres, like fantasy, romance, mystery or thriller, science fiction, etc. what I like the most is fantasy and romance novels. I like to read something magical kind of thing and I love to read some girly romance novel like chick lit. honestly I like to read sci-fi novels too, like all of dan brown novels. I like to be curious and found myself work so hard to try to figure every cases out and solve it by myself and start questioning 'what', 'who', 'why', 'where', 'when' and 'how' (5w1h). it's tempting. yeah sometimes it's good to be some kind of nerd or dork or geek or whatever they call it

2. drowning myself in front of the laptop

I can't even get myself away from the laptop. I always find myself looking on the screen of the laptop everyday. even sometimes after I wake up in the morning the first thing that I do is turn my laptop on and keeping myself busy with it. my mom always yell at me when she find myself hide under the screen of the laptop. she always threatened me that she will confiscating my laptop if I don't turn it off and get away for it and do something else. btw, it never stopped me (tee-hee :D)

3. sipping a cup of tea

last but not least, something related about a tea. yeah I once happened to tell you that I'm a tea addict. I always start my day with a cup of tea. never forget of this one and never get enough. at least I have one cup of tea in the morning, but usually I have like three cups of tea for a day. yeah sometimes I feel like my old grandma who loves tea very much. when everyone is enjoying a cup of coffee, conversely I'm happy just with my tea. it always help me to heal my morning sick (yeah I feel like a pregnant women -_-). it always help me to warm my body. it always help me to feel relax and lose all of the stress. it really helps a lot. so my oddity is reasonable, rite?

***

btw it's already twelve. and I should getting myself ready to sleep. but I'm gonna run some little quiz before. what do you think I'll do before going to sleep besides brush my teeth and wash my face? don't over think it guys. it's the number three of the 'list of things to do regularly', sipping a cup of tea. so have a nice dream folks. catch you up later :D

brand new year, brand new bangs

hey folks! I apologize for being such a bad blogger by abandoned this blog for such a long time before. I told you before that I had full week of exam and when I was done with it, I don't have much time to spent some time to post my daily activities in this blog. now I'm as free as a bird. since I was done with the exam thingies and back to home, I really have nothing to do. day by day I just do some usual stuff like sleeping, eating, watching and playing (what a bore!). I'm being so unproductive. my dad even told me to go out or take an extra class/course. I can't even stand myself from being such a jobless. so I will try to figure it out and solve this problem later.

just so you know I'm the one kind of person who easily get bored. no wonder why I couldn't stand a long-time-relationship. I always found the badness of the guy which made the reason to end the relationship right away. my sister in other hand had been in relationship with her boyfriend for about seven years. can you believe it? seven years? for god's sake I didn't have no idea what were they doing in that such a long long time? 

okay stop talking about them. let's get back to me. yeah I'm easily get bored. so I always make some kind of experiment. and this time I made some experiment with my hair. yeah I cut my bangs. I used to have a right-slanted-bangs, like always. I never do some experiment with my hair because I'm afraid to look bad (believe me, I really do). I always play safe when dealing about my hair. and taa-daa I cut my right-slanted-bangs into cleopatra-alike-straight-bangs.

and here's some comment from the people in my family who saw it. my mom told me that I look like an obedient little girl. and she always call me 'amoy' when she look at me. I have no idea why. my big sister has no comment. she said, "yeah you're still my little sister." and I was like, ".... oh, okay." yeah, weird -_- my father thought that I look more fresh and beautiful. my aunt said that I look cute and I reminded her of me when I was in kindergarten. and when the first time my brother saw me he looks surprised and said, ''oh my god what did you do to my little sister? you look different. you look cute and beautiful. I like that. are you really my little sister?" yeah this one is weird too -_-

and my comment for this bangs: I hate it. I look like and idiot and naive little girl. and I'm not comfortable with my bangs all around my forehead. I don't know it just feels weird. yeah maybe I'm just not used to it. yeah whatever. I'm going to work whit that.
btw have a blissful day folks. and once again happy new year and have a wonderful year ahead. I send you a lot of kisses and hugs from here :* :D

moment of weakness

hola folks! it still january 2nd. and I'm laying on my bed. I'm getting weak and sick. this morning I woke up at 8.34 am. and I was feeling unwell, cold and little bit nauseous. but I ignored those feeling and thought that I would definitely felt normal again later. then I found myself falling a sleep again on my brother's bed. I know that I am such a sleepy head (my bad habit, can't help). after the second time I woke up at this morning, I decided to warming my body by sipping a glass of tea (btw I'm tea addict and hate coffee). I felt a lot better after taking it. and the minutes after I was feeling nauseous back again. suddenly my head spinning and my eyes seemed watery. so I went upstair and going to my room. I was going to bed an hiding myself under the blanket. 

and here it is. I found myself caught in a fever. I think this all happens because of my sleeping-late habit and rarely taking a regular meal. yeah I know I'm not that good when dealing about the health kind of thing. but in my defense, I am such a durable and not so easy to get sick kind of person.

just so you know I hate veggies. just by saying the name  I already felt nauseous. I almost never eat those 'green-yucky' things. my parents always forced to take some of them, even my friends did it too. but I just can't compromise it. but I like to eat carrot and katuk. yeah maybe I have try to like veggies. it's good for my health and skins. it has many benefits and advantages for us. just don't be like me folks. eat a health food regularly and drink an eight or more glass of water everyday. like I said to you on my previous previous post, health is so expensive and priceless also. so just don't waste it and don't ever think to follow my way. take a good care of yourself folks. 

happy ending

formerly you were just some kind of stranger in my eyes

then I began to acquainted with you

we keep in touch everyday

we talk everyday

then we became closer and closer

we shared stories

we shared secrets

we laughed

we cried

we argued

then we made it up again

we were friends.

we were bestie

but inside of our heart, we knew that we were more than that

we had some other strange strong feelings

some people may said that it is love

but we just didn't care what people said

we keep running as it is

then someday everything change

we lost each other

we lost contact
we lost touch

we lost the laugh

we lost the tears

we lost the fight

we lost things

suddenly everything became so dark

it became so quite

so deserted

so empty

and so bleak

and I found myself all alone

laying on the ground

with those things

and those feelings

our feelings

then I realized that I still have it

we still have it

we still have those feelings

same feelings

we just couldn't be like we used to be

we keep our feelings

walk in our own path

and run our own life

it's okay

we're okay

 I smile from a distance

you smile back

we smile at each other

we live in piece

we're happy

and it is the end of our story

happy ending